A letter to Graco
Dear Mr. Graco:
I am trying to install your infant car seat. 15 minutes into this ordeal and I am already annoyed. For someone who rarely travels with infants, I would think one of the most obvious questions is - where do I install this thing? Forty-three pages later through your an instruction manual, and I am still unsure. I thought it would be on page one. I was wrong.
On page 17, you made sure to tell me “Never Leave Your Child Unattended”.
Well, duh! Thanks a lot, you child caring whiz. I guess the manual should also include such parenting gems like “Remember to periodically feed your child” and “After a bath, do not use oven to dry child”.
There is only one paragraph that mentions infant seat positioning. It reads as follows; “Whenever possible, secure the infant restraint in the center position of the seat directly behind the front seats. An adult should ride in the rear seat to watch the child. If the driver is the only other adult in the car, a child may need to ride in the front seat but only if there is no air-bag”.
What the hell does whenever possible mean? How do I know if it is possible? And if it is not, are you telling me the only other place to put the child is in the front seat? But I have an airbag there. So now what? I guess the next line of that paragraph should read;
If it is not possible to secure the child in the center and you do have passenger side airbags, then you should not have had a child.
Forget this unnecessary car seat contraption, I am just going to hold my kid on my lap. Brittany Spears does it and she has to be a good parent because she is famous, right?
Frustratingly yours,
Derek
I am trying to install your infant car seat. 15 minutes into this ordeal and I am already annoyed. For someone who rarely travels with infants, I would think one of the most obvious questions is - where do I install this thing? Forty-three pages later through your an instruction manual, and I am still unsure. I thought it would be on page one. I was wrong.
On page 17, you made sure to tell me “Never Leave Your Child Unattended”.
Well, duh! Thanks a lot, you child caring whiz. I guess the manual should also include such parenting gems like “Remember to periodically feed your child” and “After a bath, do not use oven to dry child”.
There is only one paragraph that mentions infant seat positioning. It reads as follows; “Whenever possible, secure the infant restraint in the center position of the seat directly behind the front seats. An adult should ride in the rear seat to watch the child. If the driver is the only other adult in the car, a child may need to ride in the front seat but only if there is no air-bag”.
What the hell does whenever possible mean? How do I know if it is possible? And if it is not, are you telling me the only other place to put the child is in the front seat? But I have an airbag there. So now what? I guess the next line of that paragraph should read;
If it is not possible to secure the child in the center and you do have passenger side airbags, then you should not have had a child.
Forget this unnecessary car seat contraption, I am just going to hold my kid on my lap. Brittany Spears does it and she has to be a good parent because she is famous, right?
Frustratingly yours,
Derek
posted by Derek, Tracy & Calvin | 1:46 PM
5 Comments:
May I suggest this as well:
When you DO figure out where to install the seat, make sure you do it in a place where it will be damn near permanent. Also, make sure that you never, ever, ever want to go anywhere with more than 3 people, and attempt to take your car. Trust me, once you get this thing finagled in there with the LATCH system, the tie-down hooks, the bungee cords, duct tape and the towels rolled up under the front of it (you need all of this, as you can NOT, under any circumstance, allow this thing to jiggle/move more than 1/8" to either side), you will NEVER want to take it out and repeat the above procedure. If you need to go somewhere with people, and it requires that you remove the car seat in order to fit everyone in there, opt to walk or just stay home. You'll thank yourself later.
The really depressing part of all of this is that once you get that thing smashed in there and tied down with all your might, you're going to grab the top of it and do the "side to side wiggle" to make sure it's secure and won't move. At this point, it will basically flop forward and sidewards 4 or 5 inches each way - which you will find completely against the law of physics, as there is NO WAY any of this rigging is getting ANY tighter (blisters on your palms will bear witness to this fact). Thus, this devastating find now requires you to start completely over. This is exceptionally humorous when you're doing this inside of a car while it's 90 degrees outside.
Here's the trick to all of it: go down to your local police station and ask them to install it. They'll do it for free. If they don't, then put it in yourself so haphazardly that the child would simply plop out of it sideways and land on the floor, and then go back to the station and ask them to "check to see if it's in properly". THEN they'll put it in once they realize that you should not even be trying to attempt this feat.
One last thing: make sure any friends/relatives nearby that are either expecting children or are in need of a car seat do NOT know that you have one installed. This immediately designates you as "the guy who knows how to install a car seat" - and they'll be at your house every time they need one put in THEIR car (or their friend's car). I highly recommend tinting the rear windows so that no one can see that you have a car seat in there.
Bill went to "Boot Camp for Dads" & the best info that he learned was how to install the seat. He also learned how to change a diaper & to give your kid a finger full of Jack Daniel's when they're teething. Great class, except for the getting you kid drunk to stop him from crying part.
Good idea, Moog. I have installed it upside-down. We'll see what the fire dept says. And if that doesn't work, I'll just throw my kid back there with a bunch of pillows. It'll be like a traveling bounce house.
You know, our teacher also mentioned giving a finger full of booze if the kid is crying or teething. I know it's probably harmless but it just seems wrong.
Buy this:
Car Seat Belt Tightener
It is the best investment I've ever made. I have twins and I installed four seats (two in my car, two in my wifes - and we had to throw those suggestions of the "middle of the car" out the window) and I finally found these and they work awesomely!
Good luck!
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