A Beautiful Mind
A quote from page 447 of my Mayo Clinic pregnancy book reads, "Sometimes women become more forgetful or absent-minded during pregnancy. You may have trouble concentrating or feel like you are in a fog."
I am living proof that this ailment also impacts men. By the third trimester, your mind is so overloaded with baby stuff, you start to feel like Leonard in the movie Memento, where the only way you can remember something is to tattoo it on your body.
You wake up in the morning and, try as you might to focus on something else, your thoughts inevitably end up sounding like, "I really need to weed the baby walkway because baby people are coming to baby visit this weekend and if I baby don’t do it today baby baby baby baby…, what was I saying?"
And this ends up interfering with simple daily activities. Sure, it starts out insignificant. The other day I put ice in my glass, completely forgetting to add the water, and when I went to take a sip, the ice cube clanked off my tooth like a puck of the goal post. Ha-ha, dopey me.
Then it progresses to things like this.
This is actually what my fridge looked like after I unloaded the groceries. Can you guess which item doesn’t belong? No, we generally don’t keep an unopened box of Cheerios in the refrigerator.
A few days ago, this disease migrated to the next level. I pulled into my driveway, shut off the radio and gathered my belongings. Simultaneously, I started thinking about what day would be best to assemble our new crib. Well, a funny thing…I never put the car in park. It was still in drive and I was about 1.24 seconds from lifting my foot off the brake and introducing the front of my car to my garage door. Thankfully, I caught it just in time.
The most recent incident, and certainly the most troubling, occurred yesterday morning. When I finished showering, I began toweling off as usual. Starting with my hair, then my face and so on, saving for last, the areas of your body, how do I put this delicately, the areas that should be toweled off last. I live in south Florida where the current daily temperature is over 90 degrees and the humidity off the charts. Your eyelids sweat when you blink. So you have to make sure you completely dry those dark hidden places on your body.
As I vigorously worked to make sure these areas were dry, my mind began to wander. "What if we have a boy and I am asked to umpire one of his little league games. If my son is up at bat, and there is a close pitch, do I call it a ball and risk people thinking I am playing favorites or do I call it a strike and risk pissing off my kid…"
As soon as this obscure thought faded, I snap back to reality to the abhorrent realization that I am once again drying my face. And it occurs to me that this towel, which is now draped all over my head, just came from an area of considerably less visibility. Dammit! Back in the shower!
Crashing my car is one thing but this was too much. Hopefully this absent-mindedness will end once the baby arrives. I mean, once the kid is here, there is much less to worry about, right? RIGHT?!
I am living proof that this ailment also impacts men. By the third trimester, your mind is so overloaded with baby stuff, you start to feel like Leonard in the movie Memento, where the only way you can remember something is to tattoo it on your body.
You wake up in the morning and, try as you might to focus on something else, your thoughts inevitably end up sounding like, "I really need to weed the baby walkway because baby people are coming to baby visit this weekend and if I baby don’t do it today baby baby baby baby…, what was I saying?"
And this ends up interfering with simple daily activities. Sure, it starts out insignificant. The other day I put ice in my glass, completely forgetting to add the water, and when I went to take a sip, the ice cube clanked off my tooth like a puck of the goal post. Ha-ha, dopey me.
Then it progresses to things like this.
This is actually what my fridge looked like after I unloaded the groceries. Can you guess which item doesn’t belong? No, we generally don’t keep an unopened box of Cheerios in the refrigerator.
A few days ago, this disease migrated to the next level. I pulled into my driveway, shut off the radio and gathered my belongings. Simultaneously, I started thinking about what day would be best to assemble our new crib. Well, a funny thing…I never put the car in park. It was still in drive and I was about 1.24 seconds from lifting my foot off the brake and introducing the front of my car to my garage door. Thankfully, I caught it just in time.
The most recent incident, and certainly the most troubling, occurred yesterday morning. When I finished showering, I began toweling off as usual. Starting with my hair, then my face and so on, saving for last, the areas of your body, how do I put this delicately, the areas that should be toweled off last. I live in south Florida where the current daily temperature is over 90 degrees and the humidity off the charts. Your eyelids sweat when you blink. So you have to make sure you completely dry those dark hidden places on your body.
As I vigorously worked to make sure these areas were dry, my mind began to wander. "What if we have a boy and I am asked to umpire one of his little league games. If my son is up at bat, and there is a close pitch, do I call it a ball and risk people thinking I am playing favorites or do I call it a strike and risk pissing off my kid…"
As soon as this obscure thought faded, I snap back to reality to the abhorrent realization that I am once again drying my face. And it occurs to me that this towel, which is now draped all over my head, just came from an area of considerably less visibility. Dammit! Back in the shower!
Crashing my car is one thing but this was too much. Hopefully this absent-mindedness will end once the baby arrives. I mean, once the kid is here, there is much less to worry about, right? RIGHT?!
posted by Derek, Tracy & Calvin | 7:03 PM
7 Comments:
HAHA, you make me laugh "out loud" and people start to wonder what I'm doing at my desk!
No honey, I'm sorry to be the first to tell you, I hear it gets worse, much worse and our brain cells never do completely come back. Don't worry though, we'll be there to back each other up along with the child saying "DAD! you just put the cereal in the fridge!"
It does get worse. I often wonder where my pre-pregnancy brain has gone, or if I'll ever get it back. Since we're planning on 3 more rugrats, I'll assume I'm going to spiral downhill REALLY fast. My husband was the same way when I was pregnant too - always forgetful, always had his mind on the baby.
For the first few months you'll only have to worry about little things like... "Baby isn't pooping. Why isn't she pooping!?" or "What's this rash? When did she get it?" or "Is she still asleep? Should we wake her?" LOL.
So, does that mean you use a new towel everyday? Couldn't you just use toilet paper?
No. It's the whole direct crotch to face scenario that was troubling. If the towel has the night to dry, I'm ok with it. Same principle as the 5 second rule when food hits the floor; only in reverse.
3 more babies??! Oh my. I couldn't even imagine. "One and done" is my motto.
You are so funny!
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