How I Spent My Labor Day Vacation

At our last doctor’s visit, the nurse estimated the baby’s current weight at 6.2 pounds. Yesterday, we ate dinner at Sweet Tomatoes and after my salad, two bowls of soup, 3 slices of pizza, 2 dishes of pasta, a brownie sundae and some apple cherry cobbler, I felt like I had a 6 pound child inside of me. I feel I can now, in some small way, empathize with the likes of a pregnant woman of 37 weeks. I couldn’t move.

I see Tracy and I understand the simplest movements are such a chore. Rolling over in bed is a 5-step process involving several stages of shifting the body and the rearranging of multiple pillows. Trying to get up from the sofa unassisted is an exercise in futility. She looks like little Randy Parker from A Christmas Story; that kid that couldn’t get up because he was layered in excessive snow gear.

So when Tracy asked for help shaving her legs, I thought it best to acquiesce. Apparently she doesn’t trust me with a razor, so she purchased a product called Veet. Just slather it on, wait 5 minutes and wipe the hair away. Sounds simple.

But this was not some 9½ Weeks-like sensual practice in spousal bonding. No sir. I realized that when I read the directions and in large bold letters they make it clear to remove this product from the skin within ten minutes or you’d receive horrible 3rd degree burns worthy of a subsequent visit to Nip/Tuck plastic surgeons. Jeez, no pressure.

They give you a small tool that looks like a miniature windshield ice scraper, which you use to remove the Veet. I was surprised that the hair was actually coming off. I mean, she was no Sasquatch, but the little scraper wiped the leg clean. She seemed happy with the results and I realized two things. First, people weren’t kidding when they said life would never be the same after we became pregnant. And second, yes Veet does work on men too.