What I have learned

The transitory name Sally has been retired. I now refer to the child as Dennis. (as in ‘The Menace’). It may be mean but right now it's fitting. The cause of nausea, headaches, dizziness, fatigue, blurred vision, etc. But I don’t say it to him. At his age, I am not sure he can appreciate the finer points of my sarcasm. Only happy loving positive comments directed at the belly. Good karma.

I have a new job this week. I offered to read weeks 9-12 of a pregnancy using the plethora of books we have accumulated. So if you happen to hear someone running past you screaming uncontrollably, don’t worry. It is probably just me.

Thus far, I have learned a lot in my sparse research. Some stuff is helpful. Other information is downright ghastly. An example of the helpful stuff; that microphone thingy used to hear the baby’s heartbeat has an actual name. The technical term is not thingy but, in fact, it is called a Doppler, named after Dutch Biologist Henri Doppler (or so I just made up).

Further supporting my salamander claim, our baby, unbeknownst to me, recently had a tail. According to the Mayo Clinic, that tail has now gone. I have mixed feelings about this. While a kid with a tail sounds fun, he’d probably be in for a world of beatings in grade school so it’s probably for the best that the tail shriveled away.

I also discovered that at this stage of development, the baby’s brain is producing 250,000 neurons per minute! 250,000 of anything per minute is pretty amazing. Although I suspect my child is producing more in the 300,000 – 350,000 range. Is it too early for parental pride? Hey, if this kid has Tracy’s brains, looks and personality along with my…um, my ability to remember state capitols (South Dakota is Pierre), we are unquestionably looking at some kind of wunderkind.

And finally, I learned that "Bedbug" wasn’t kidding in his comments about gas. I don’t mean I experienced it first hand, I mean I read about it. Yes, there is an increase in gas but thankfully it doesn’t harm the baby at all. In fact, it may be comforting. The baby can actually hear the bubbling gurgle noises around it. Think along the lines of an electronic waterfall you would keep by the bed. Same soothing effect. Although maybe not so soothing for the husband. (I’m probably not going to be allowed to read anymore after this post!)

I will spare you the details of some of the more frightful matters because you either already know about them or don’t want to hear about them. Peeking ahead to next week, if Dennis is really a Dennis, his little manhood will begin to form. If Dennis is actually a Denise, her girl stuff starts to take shape. This is all very exciting. Stay tuned!